Some people really need to learn you never threaten to beat up two people who are both bigger than you, as they will lose.

hapter Four

ey Fifa!

So there was Gord sitting in his chair and socializing with some of the regulars who come to his store when in comes the young would-be thieves.

After walking around the store and coming to the conclusion that the only live stock is the games behind the counter, they come up with a brilliant plan.  They'll just reach over while Gord is standing there and steal a game.

"Can I use the phone?"


Buddy then reaches over to use the phone on the wall, only he keeps on going over and says "hey… Fifa…" and picks up the game, puts it in his jacket, and then goes to pick up the phone.

"Well this kid is the idiot of the week I must say." thought Gord.  "Does he not understand you're suppose to steal the game when I'm not looking, and you don't announce it to the world that you're stealing it?"

And in his absolute brilliance, he phones his house.  Oh joy.  Now Gord not only knew who he was (as the other people in the store knew him), but now the Gord had his phone # to boot.

Sadly there were other customers in the store at the time so the Gord delegated the authority of picking up the kid as he left the store to another who was of sufficient stature to close the issue.  A demi-Gord if you will.

As demi-Gord approached the young thief, the thief made a break for it.  The chase was on, and the Gord was not part of it.  The Gord was saddened.

Eventually the substitute Gord returned with the game in hand, rather pissed at the distance he had to run and that the kid ended up grabbing a rather large stick.

No one escapes the wrath of Gord!  Gord had his name, and quickly found out where this thief's locker was and what class he was in next using his vast resources.

To the high school went the Gord and the substitute Gord.

Once in the school the thief was quickly spotted and approached.  He didn't see the Gord approach and was rambling on about how he stole a game and that he got away free.

"I do believe you are the one I am looking for" spoke the Gord.

"Oh fuck!" declared the thief.  "You can't do anything to me!  I'm in the school!  You can't hurt me!" as he backed up against the lockers.

"You're right"
spoke the Gord.  "However, my friend here who is also in school can."  Gord snapped his fingers and the demi-Gord approached the thief to begin the beating.

"Wait!" cried the thief.  "Let's take this outside."

And outside they all went, for it was considerably easier to do anything out of sight of the authorities.

As the group approached the Gord's Mazda of Death, the Gord grabbed the thief by the scruff of his jacket and spoke "Get in the vehicle, we're going for a ride."  (the plan was to take the thief to the local police station so that he could confess to his crimes)

Alas, the thief began screaming, crying and wet his pants.  Apparently he got the idea in his head that they were going to take him out of town and gang beat him.  Gord knows this as this information was relayed back to him later.

Others ran to the aid of this now crying thief on his knees screaming. 

"Let him go!"

"Or what?" spoke the Gord.

"You want some of me?" suggested the thieves friend.

"Look at you.  You might be intimidating to a small child.  But I'm not a small child.  Now shut the hell up and walk away."

And the would be savoir of the thief backed away.

At this time the principal arrived and took all involved to his office and settled the issue.  Thief suspended from school, parents called, etc. 

And the best part was when the thief went into hommie speak about how he could have kicked our asses and it's lucky the principal showed up to save us.

"How about you shut up or I'll leave this room for a few minutes, and when I come back I'll hear how you fell out of your chair and into the desk and floor a few times?  Look at him!  He's a gorilla compared to you!" the principal spoke concerning the demi-Gord.

And thus ended the "Hey, Fifa!" caper.