It's not these were small lies, or done to people who were ignorant of the industry.  Some days, I feel sad.

hapter Two

he Sega Saturn Super System!

When someone bought a Saturn, they got two things as bonus.  The first was a demo CD that was a giant commercial on why you should buy a Saturn.  Now, at first you're thinking "well, that's just retarded" until you consider it's just Sega's way of having Saturn owners sell Saturns to their friends.

"Can we play games?"

"Sure, after you watch this informative presentation on the reasons why you should buy a Saturn.  And remember, the Saturn can be bought at fine stores everywhere."

Anyway, the other thing Sega gave were some spiffy Saturn stickers.

At the store, Gord had a double-wide, hard-cover CD case which held 24 CD's and was black.  And one day a Saturn sticker ended up on it.

Eventually the Saturn died, having never been seen by most people which lead to interesting times.  Occasionally someone would ask if the case was in fact a Saturn.

"Why yes, yes it is."

"Really? It looks odd."

"But check this out, it holds 24 games at once!  You just put the game in and never have to take it out or worry about it being scratched."

"Wow!  That's cool!"

"It is.  Shame the system didn't do well."

"Why doesn't the PlayStation do that?"

"They do in Japan, the PS-ML, or PlayStation Multi-Loader.  Looks a bit like a multi-disc CD holder for your car.  It should be out here next year."

"Great.  I'll pick one up."

he Sega Saturn Super System Continued!

The memories of the Sega Saturn.  It made for many fine signs.

The Sega Saturn Super System!  Why pay $150 for a PlayStation when a Saturn is only $75!  Half the price and double the fun!

Further, you don't have to stress or fret about upcoming games, because there are none!  They're all here NOW!  That's right!  Every last game is out now, so no more worrying about those pesky new releases coming out on odd days or between paycheques!  Or pawing though magazines looking at previews and wondering what it will really be like!  There is no waiting! 

For the love of all that is innocent, do you really want to wait and suffer these unnecessary stresses?

Unlike the 64 controllers give you arthritis because they are so horrible, and the games themselves that wreck your eyes by having everything look like you're wearing glasses with Vaseline smeared on them,  you have only beauty on the Saturn!  The finest 2D games ever made, and it's 3D games don't have that crap anti-aliasing!  That's right!  No AA at all!  Sega is here to save your eyes, while Nintendo has recently invested in several large eyeglass manufacturer chains!  Nintendo is evil and hates you!

You could buy a Sony, but Sony is Japanese for Satan!  Do you want your kids playing on Satan's console?  For the love of your children, don't buy a PlayStation!

And for every Saturn you buy, you'll get FIVE, that's right, FIVE free games!  On the N64, these games would carry a retail price of $450!  That's like getting 6 free Saturns!  With savings like that, you could buy another one!

As you can see, the Saturn is the only console you should be considering.  Sega loves you, and wants only to keep you safe from the scourge that is Sony and Nintendo.

Won't you buy a Saturn and let Sega love you?

n The End, It Had A Use

There eventually came a point when the store had a large stack of used N64s looking for homes.  And the door was held open in the spring so that all could enjoy the warming air as we dared to venture outside of electronic entertainment shrines.

Anyway, the Nintendo 64 proves be a very effective doorstop when pushed into the frame.

As it was assumed, this was sacrilegious and offensive to some people, such as blind zealots and those who fought epic battles and lost many friends trying to get an N64 at launch.

So a speech bubble was added:

"This is all I am good for."

Well, technically that didn't actually solve any problems.  The same people who were mad before were still mad, but everyone else laughed.

t's All In The Attitude

WWF Attitude.  Bad game, and far too many copies produced for the demand.  But over the course of a week, Gord had three backorders for it.  Probably because it was a third the price of Wrestlemania 2000 back when it first came out.

Anyway, Gord ordered three copies as part of his order.  And in the end, got eleven.  He wasn't charged for the extra eight copies, but he honestly did not want them.  So he phoned the distributor up.

The distributor didn't want them back.  It was going to cost more in courier costs than it was worth to get them back.  They told Gord to keep them.

So Gord did.  And created a sign.

WWF Attitude!  Gaming has never been this good, and it will never be this good again!  Forget the lies that you may have heard that this is a poor game.  Those are from WCW fans!  They're just angry because there never was a WCW game as good as this!

But my friends, gaming like this doesn't come without a price!  What will that price be you ask?  Why, it's make up your own price day!  That's right!  You name the price!  Be warned though, one of two things will happen.  Either you'll get the game at the price you offer, or you'll get slapped for such an inane offer.

But isn't the risk for the beauty known as WWF Attitude worth it?  You know you have to be the coolest person on your block with this game!

This is the greatest game ever!*

*may not be exactly as good as advertised.

In the end, all copies were sold.  Prices ranged from $10 to $20, as well as a trade for two Subway subs from one person.