Doesn't anyone tell their kids "son, if you rob a bank, don't you be so stupid as to go back and deposit the money into your account!"


hapter Twenty-Five

ll Good Things...

On Gord's last, glorious day at the empire, Gord is doing some paperwork before he turns over the reins of the empire. 

The setting.  10:30pm on Thursday, August 23, 2001. The store closed at 8:00pm.  The front door had been left unlocked for those who sought to pay tribute to the Gord before he began his exile.  Nearly all the lights are off except those around the counter.

In enters a lone individual, around 17.

"Are you open?"

"Nope.  But I'm still here.  What do you come in search of?"

"I'm looking for a PlayStation controller."

"What colour Dualshock do you want?  They are all $39."

"Can I see the white one?"

<Gord hands customer white controller>

"Uhm, do you have any used controllers?"

"Nope.  I only ever get used controllers in with used machines.  And as such, I sell the controllers with the said machines."

"Do you have any controllers for rent."

"I do.  One dollar per day."

"Ok, I'll take one of those."

"Do you have an account?"


"You'll need to set on up.  Cough up, drivers license and a credit card or a social insurance card."

<Customer hands Gord drivers license and social insurance card>

"Hmm, Ryan Wagner" thought Gord.  "I know that name."

<Gord checks through the computer database.  Hoe-ree-cow!  Ryan Wagner!  One of Gord's first ever thieves from back in the day!  Over 3 years earlier!  He's come back, and this time he has ID.  Wait, wait, double check address.... it matches!  Sweet.....  wait, ask for the phone number>

"What's your phone number please?"


<area code 250 if you want to know...   So, 250-499-2608.  Feel free to be an ass.  The guilty and dumb deserve not protection>

"It matches!" thought Gord.

<Gord enters the drivers license number and social insurance number into the computer. "The bitch is mine" thought Gord.>

"So, Ryan, how the hell are ya?"

"Pretty good I guess."

"Well, your day just got a whole lot worse.  What's it like being a complete and total fucking retard?"


"Gran Turismo and Ace Combat 2."


"You stole them in June of 1998.  Now before, I didn't have your SIN number, so I couldn't shoot your credit to hell.  But now, your ass is mine!"

"Uhm, I've never been here before."

"You're right.  It was back at the old store."

<Deer in headlight stare.  Gord places hands together and begins to roll fingers, adding in a mad scientist laugh>

"So, going to pay me now?  Or should I jump right to the part where I destroy your credit world?"

"Uhm....  I... uh..."

<Ryan backs toward the door>

"Run bitch run!  It's over!  You're all mine now!  I am going to personally take this down to the collection company tomorrow!  Welcome to the end of your financial world!"

<Ryan gets to the door>

"Hope you're not going to university!  Because you can just kiss your student loan app out the window!  Run little man run!  Save yourself!  And get used to walking, as you're never going to get that new car you want!"

<Ryan quickly leaves establishment>

And in one last defiant act, the idiots were there to the end.