My customer service level is a reflection to the type of customer they are.  Yet the worst customers don't understand this simple concept. 


hapter Seven

enetically Repressed

Child brings in a dual shock controller to Gord and leaves it to be fixed.  Gord fixes it and informs the family it's ready for pickup.

The child returns with the father…

"That'll be $5 for the controller."


"Five dollars."


"Well, I did fix it."

"You should have fixed it for free!"

"Perhaps, but then I would be a charity and I would rely on donations to stay open.  Should I phrase it 'would you like me to fix it for a $5 donation?'"

"Can we pay next time we're in?"

"Sure.  Whatever.  If $5 is truly that much of an issue, next time you rent is fine."

So they depart…  And soon the mother and son return.  And she went right into angry white trash mode.

"Why did you charge my son $5 to fix his controller!?!?" 

"Well, because it was broken and he asked me to fix it.  I told him it was going to cost $5."

"You should have fixed it for free!"


"Yes, because we bought it from Walmart before Christmas."  (note: it was now May)

"Your argument is not bolstering your cause.  I should fix something you bought from somewhere else for free?"

"Yes!  Because Walmart is across town!"

"So your argument is 'I should fix something for you that you bought from somewhere else for free because it's too far away.'?"

"You have to repair anything that we buy from anyone that is from Sony, as you sell Sony stuff!"

"Actually, assuming it were to break down in the time that the warranty would have covered, you are supposed to send it to Sony to repair.  Though Walmart would have just exchanged it for you had you asked."

"You don't have very good customer service!"

"I'm a reflection of that I'm forced to deal with.  You aren't a very good customer."

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"Might I suggest you quote unquote 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'?"

"I'm never going to pay that money!"

"Well, you do what you must."

"And I'm never going to spend money here ever again!"

"Let's see… according to your account you've spent $8.98 in total to date.  Man, not only am I going to lose the entertainment value you bring me, but I'll never get any more money from you.  Oh no!  By the way, you owe $38 in late fees."

"If you want your money you'll have to send me to collections!"

"And that is a threat how?"

"You won't send me to collections!"

"No, I'm pretty sure I'll be sending you to collections.  "

And thus she stormed out, never to return.

Account was forwarded to collections. 

Update!  The whole family is genetically repressed!  Now the sister of the husband has been sent to collections!  She swiped Risk and Driver.  Oh no!  Two budget label games!  It's over now.  That, or it's go time.  One of the two.