All I need to do now is invent "annoying customer spray" that will keep them at bay, and the world will be a better place.

hapter Nineteen

hy Do They Lie?

"I bought this Super Nintendo here yesterday, and it doesn't work."

"What's wrong?"

"It doesn't work."

"As in it doesn't turn on at all, or just a black screen?"

"A black screen."


<Gord grabs another Super Nintendo off the stack and plugs it into the monitor behind the counter.>

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to test to make sure this one works before you take it."

"I want my money back!!"

<Dramatic pause>

"Any particular reason why you want your money back instead of another Super Nintendo?"

"You sell broken stuff!  I don't want to deal with anyone who does that."

"Oh really?  Well that's odd, because it worked when it first came in."

"I want my money back."

<Gord picks up 'broken' Super Nintendo and begins to plug it into the monitor>

"What are you doing?! I don't have time for this!"

"I'm going to see if someone here is about to have a bad day.  If it doesn't work, you'll get your money back.  Oh, well look at that.  The machine works just fine. Three guesses who doesn't get a refund, first two don't count."

"Give me a refund!"

"Here's your Super Nintendo.  Have a nice day."

ow About We Don't Smoke?

Customer walks in smoking.

"Sir, this is a non-smoking store."

"This place was better back when you let people smoke here!"

"It's always been non-smoking."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes, yes it was.  Being that it has always been my store and since day one it was non-smoking.  Plus, city bylaws dictate that all retail establishments are to be non-smoking."

"You're just saying that so I won't smoke."

"You're right.  You got me.  You've seen right through my evil plan."

"I'm glad we came to an understanding."

"However the evil plan is still in effect.  No smoking."

sk An Honest Question, Get An Honest Answer

"Which of these two games is better?"

"Is syphilis better than AIDS?"

rouble with Signs

Customer walks up to the counter with two games in hand.

"You do trades right?"

"You can trade in anything that is video game related for credit."

"Great!  Here, how much for these?"

Customer puts 4 VHS tapes on the counter.  All $9 old rentals from video stores as their stickers are still on the boxes.

"I wouldn't say those are video game related."

"Your sign says 'Videos and games!  Buy, rent and trade!'"

"Sir, it reads 'Video Games.'"

"Still, it's misleading."

"Only if you're retarded."

ore Free Rental Madness

"This game is defective."

"Very well, I'll replace it with another one of the same.  Here you go."

"I want a different game in case they are all defective."

"I've been learning Swahili at night!  You just said that you hated the game and decided you wanted it to be a free rental, and you wanted to get another game.  Wow I'm good!"


alling It As I See It

"What did you call my son on the phone today!"

"I labelled him a petty thief."

"No one calls my son a thief!"

"Actually, I labelled him a petty thief.  Would you prefer aspiring criminal, or the more accurately descriptive incompetent law breaker?"

"Watch what you say!"

"I'd rather watch my stuff when your son is around if you wouldn't mind."