Is there a contest running on who can produce the most genetically repressed child?  For this theory carries much evidence.

hapter Fourteen

h! Oh!  I'm Retarded Too!

Customer brings in PlayStation with a non-responsive controller port.  A simple fuse re-soldering job.  A quick pop the top off, and boom, it's done.

Next day, the mother of the customer comes in to pick up the machine and to pay for it.

Normally it's a $20 bill for fixing the machines.  Gord is just about to inform her of that after he explains what he fixed.

"That machine has a mod chip in it! If you touched that chip, then you'll have to replace it!  I'm going to check!  If it's gone, we won't be able to play our games and you'll have to pay for all of them!"

Whoa.  Angry white trash mode.  And why would Gord have to pay to replace their stolen games with new ones?  Three guesses at which of these two failed law class?

"Ma'am, I only removed the cover.  To do that, I would have to remove the entire motherboard."

"I'm going to check."

"You do that.  The bill will be $40."

One reaps what one sows.

Make Retarded People Look Smart!


"Gamer's Edge"

"Yes, I'm following up on a former employee of yours who applied for a job with our company.  A Kevin Stevens."

"A who to the what now?"

"A former employee, Kevin Stevens."

"I'm afraid no one even close to that name has worked here."

"Perhaps he worked there before you?"

"Ma'am, I would be the owner and founder of this establishment."

"Well, he also goes by the name Kevin Krabbendam."

"I don't recognize that name either.  Hang on, I'll check the computer."


"Well, Kevin has an account here.  He rented two games in March of 1999 and stole them.  He was forwarded to collections on April 14, 1999."

"He put on his resume he worked for you."

"I would theorize that he did that because he is an idiot."

Only Wish I Was Smart!

"What's it take to rent a PlayStation 2?"

"A drivers license and a credit card."

"If I don't have that?"

"A drivers license, a Social Insurance card, and a $300 cash deposit."

"And the machine includes a game with it?"

"Yes, you get one free game with it."

"How about I just take the machine with no game, and then I don't have to leave a deposit?"

"So you are of the belief that I'm worried so much about a game, that I'm taking a $300 deposit on a $60 game, and $0 deposit on a $500 system…"

"Well, I don't have $300."

"Then you won't be renting."

pen Yours Eyes Man!

Customer looks at game box for 30 seconds.

"Is this a Super Nintendo game?"

"Yes, that would be why the box says 'Super Nintendo' on the front in large lettering."

piritual Engulfment

"Why do you only give $35 for a Nintendo 64 in trade?"

"Why would I give more than $35 for a system that is discontinued and no one really wants, has crap controllers, and a serious dearth of good games that I would only add to the growing stack in the back of the store?  Oh my, I just answered your question with a question of a rhetorical nature."

"Why can't I trade straight across for a PlayStation?"

"Because I like staying in business."


ot Quite Up To Speed

"Do you have any 'Breath of Fire 3' games?"

"Yes, they are $39 each brand new."

"What about Breath of Fire 2?"

"Those are used for $60 each."

"Why do they cost more?  I really want one, and charging more for them is not fair!"

"Why am I charging more for an older SNES game that is incredibly rare and people want, as compared to the PlayStation game I can still order new?  Hmm…"

He came down the next day to buy the game (well, he thought I would trade it straight across for two old sports games, fucking retard.)  But sadly, the game was sold.  Apparently, it's my fault here because if it was cheaper, he would have been down sooner to buy it.

Notwithstanding, if it was cheaper, it would have sold sooner.