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 hapter Six
 veryone
Wants To Share In The Love!
"Excuse me... I'm trying to play
the machine here, and I've hit reset 3 times, but it's not
working."
"That would be because there is nothing in the machine."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm leaving it alone for now. "
"But I want to play!"
"That's nice. Do you even have an account here?"
"No.. But I'll be renting something one day."
"Then one day I'll let you play on the big screen for
free." |
 t's Only
Dumb If You're Caught
Person walks in and decides he
really wants to rent Resident Evil 3. So he goes up to the
rental cases on the wall and sees that they are all rented.
But that didn't deter him! He took off a rented tag and moved
that tag onto another game, then proceeded to bring the game
to the counter.
"I'd like to rent this game please."
"I'm sorry, all the copies of Resident Evil 3 are out."
"Then you owe me a free rental!"
"And why is that?"
"Because this game was untagged and you made me waste my
time. I really wanted to rent it."
"It was only untagged because you untagged it."
<pause>
"No free rental?"
"No free rental." |
 ry Before
You Buy!
"Before I buy this game, I'd like
to play it please."
"I suggest you rent it then."
"You should let me play it for free."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"So you feel that you would be better informed if I let you
play it for free for a couple minutes rather than playing it
at home for a few hours?"
"If you don't let me play it, I won't buy it."
"Given that I overheard you telling your friend you only
had $10 till Friday and that you heard you can play games here
for free if you pretend to be buying a game, I would suggest
that I have in fact lost nothing."
"I could buy the game if I wanted to!"
"Fine. Make you a deal. You buy the game, and I'll let
you play it here for a couple hours. If you don't like it,
I'll refund your money."
"err…"
"My point exactly. In the future, don't lie to me." |
 nd
Gord's The
Rip-Off
"How much can I get for this
game?"
"A three year old baseball game?"
"One year."
"It's Triple Play 98. I have 2001's in stock."
"Oh. How much? And cash, not credit."
"About $4."
"what? But it's sealed! And I paid $70 for it last week!"
"Then you got ripped off. 2001's are $49. Want one?"
"How about $30?"
"How about I can buy those for less than $10 each,
including shipping. Notwithstanding that it will never
sell. People don't want 3 year old baseball games unless
they are exceptionally cheap."
"How about $20?"
"I see... So when I said I can get them for less than
$10, why would I possibly pay you more than that for your
copy?"
"You're a rip-off!"
"That's right. I'm a rip-off. As compared to the
hypothetical establishment you purchased that game from last
week for $70. But if it makes you feel better, the door is
to your left and you can watch the sun set slowly in the
distance as you leave. Perhaps that will help calm your
soul and bring you inner happiness. Have a good day." |
 hy Aren't
My Stolen Games Worth More?
|
"Excuse me. What's
this copy of Final Fantasy 9 worth?"
(The game is in rental cases, stickers peeled off from Microplay, no box, just the CD's, and the game only came out
a couple weeks prior.)
"Uhm... Not much. Being I don't really sell PlayStation
games without their boxes."
How about $30?"
"How about $5."
"$5 per disc?"
"No."
"I think I'll take my business elsewhere."
"You do that."
|
hy Aren't
Parts Free?
|
Gord had one guy bitch
because it only took him 5 minutes to replace a defective
controller port on his PSX.
"Will you take $10?"
"Uhm. No. It's $20. We discussed this before I even
started."
"But it only took you five minutes!"
"Yes. It was simply a controller port replacement."
"I'm not paying $20 for five minutes work!"
"Then I'll take it out and put back in the broken one."
"No! Wait! What's it cost to buy the part by itself?"
"They're $20. Installation is free."
"That's a fucking ripoff!"
"Oh, ok. I'll just put in the old part then."
"Fine! I'll pay the $20!"
"$22.80 sir. There's tax."
"Fucking tax. Twenty fucking dollars for 5 minutes work."
"Sir, that was $20 for a replacement part with free
installation. Here's your unit, here's your change, and have a
nice day."
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How is it
that so many people have but one goal in life, and that one goal is
to annoy me?