How is it that so many people have but one goal in life, and that one goal is to annoy me?

hapter Six

veryone Wants To Share In The Love!

"Excuse me... I'm trying to play the machine here, and I've hit reset 3 times, but it's not working."

"That would be because there is nothing in the machine."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm leaving it alone for now. "

"But I want to play!"

"That's nice. Do you even have an account here?"

"No.. But I'll be renting something one day."

"Then one day I'll let you play on the big screen for free."

t's Only Dumb If You're Caught

Person walks in and decides he really wants to rent Resident Evil 3.  So he goes up to the rental cases on the wall and sees that they are all rented.  But that didn't deter him!  He took off a rented tag and moved that tag onto another game, then proceeded to bring the game to the counter.

"I'd like to rent this game please."

"I'm sorry, all the copies of Resident Evil 3 are out."

"Then you owe me a free rental!"

"And why is that?"

"Because this game was untagged and you made me waste my time.  I really wanted to rent it."

"It was only untagged because you untagged it."


"No free rental?"

"No free rental."

ry Before You Buy!

"Before I buy this game, I'd like to play it please."

"I suggest you rent it then."

"You should let me play it for free."



"So you feel that you would be better informed if I let you play it for free for a couple minutes rather than playing it at home for a few hours?"

"If you don't let me play it, I won't buy it."

"Given that I overheard you telling your friend you only had $10 till Friday and that you heard you can play games here for free if you pretend to be buying a game, I would suggest that I have in fact lost nothing."

"I could buy the game if I wanted to!"

"Fine.  Make you a deal.  You buy the game, and I'll let you play it here for a couple hours.  If you don't like it, I'll refund your money."


"My point exactly.  In the future, don't lie to me."

nd Gord's The Rip-Off

"How much can I get for this game?"

"A three year old baseball game?"

"One year."

"It's Triple Play 98. I have 2001's in stock."

"Oh. How much? And cash, not credit."

"About $4."

"what? But it's sealed! And I paid $70 for it last week!"

"Then you got ripped off. 2001's are $49. Want one?"

"How about $30?"

"How about I can buy those for less than $10 each, including shipping. Notwithstanding that it will never sell. People don't want 3 year old baseball games unless they are exceptionally cheap."

"How about $20?"

"I see... So when I said I can get them for less than $10, why would I possibly pay you more than that for your copy?"

"You're a rip-off!"

"That's right. I'm a rip-off. As compared to the hypothetical establishment you purchased that game from last week for $70. But if it makes you feel better, the door is to your left and you can watch the sun set slowly in the distance as you leave.  Perhaps that will help calm your soul and bring you inner happiness. Have a good day."

hy Aren't My Stolen Games Worth More?

"Excuse me. What's this copy of Final Fantasy 9 worth?"

(The game is in rental cases, stickers peeled off from Microplay, no box, just the CD's, and the game only came out a couple weeks prior.)

"Uhm... Not much. Being I don't really sell PlayStation games without their boxes."

How about $30?"

"How about $5."

"$5 per disc?"


"I think I'll take my business elsewhere."

"You do that."


hy Aren't Parts Free?

Gord had one guy bitch because it only took him 5 minutes to replace a defective controller port on his PSX.

"Will you take $10?"

"Uhm. No. It's $20. We discussed this before I even started."

"But it only took you five minutes!"

"Yes. It was simply a controller port replacement."

"I'm not paying $20 for five minutes work!"

"Then I'll take it out and put back in the broken one."

"No! Wait! What's it cost to buy the part by itself?"

"They're $20. Installation is free."

"That's a fucking ripoff!"

"Oh, ok. I'll just put in the old part then."

"Fine! I'll pay the $20!"

"$22.80 sir. There's tax."

"Fucking tax. Twenty fucking dollars for 5 minutes work."

"Sir, that was $20 for a replacement part with free installation. Here's your unit, here's your change, and have a nice day."