All I need to do now is invent "annoying customer spray" that will keep them at bay, and the world will be a better place.

hapter Five

Tournament Where Everyone Wins!

In the middle of a Tekken 2 tournament with about 70 contestants someone's father comes up to the Gord.

"My son was eliminated in the first round."

"Well, lots of people were eliminated in the first round."

"Why is he already out?"

"I would take a guess and say about 35 people were eliminated, and that would be half the people who entered.  It's an elimination ladder.  In the end there can be only one."

"I want him to be put back in!"

"And why would I do that?  I put him in, I have to put everyone back in."


"Then it's hardly a tournament."

"This isn't a fair tournament."

"Do you even understand the concept of a tournament?"

And the winner of the tournament won the controllers that were opened for the tournament (worth $80), and $20 in cash.  Second place was a can of coke and an autographed picture of Gord.  Third place was $20.

The Gord likes to remind people that second place is just the first loser.

hey Would Never Lie

So Tony Hawk's Pro Skater is returned snapped in half and taped together.  So the Gord phones the person who rented it.

"It was like that when I got it."

"Oh really?  And you kept it for an extra week too just because it was broken?"

"Oh, it worked just fine.  Soundtrack skipped once in a while, but that was it."

"You're not very good at this lying thing, are you?"

hy oh Why?


"Gamer's Edge"

"Yes, why did you bill my credit card?"

"What is your name or phone number please."


"Ah yes, well I billed it because you rented Allied General, NFL Gameday 99 and MBL 99 and never returned them."

"Now I can't order something as my credit card is now full!  Why did you do that!"

"Well, you did rent and not return the games."


"Well, that was my argument in its entirety actually."

"I'm never coming back."

"Sounds good to me."


he Hopeless

"I'd like to rent these games please."

"It shows your account as being closed and forwarded to collections because you didn't return the last thing you rented."

"That's ok.  I'll just rent these now."

"No, you're not understanding.  Unless you pay that off, you're not going to be able to rent."

"Why should I have to pay it?"

"Because you didn't return stuff from before."

"I just won't rent then!  You just lost $5!"

"Yes, yes.  I suppose I did."

pisode One = Not Good

So Gord was in the camp of the majority who feel that Star Wars: Episode One just wasn't that good.  Though it was damn pretty.  Just pretty didn't make it good, only pretty.

From a magazine the logo to of  "Star Wars: Episode One" was cut out.  Upon this was drawn a big red circle and red line through it.  This was then placed in the window.  It was small, measuring 4cm by 3cm.

A few days later this guy comes in and goes into how Gord's little sign in the window is illegal and wrong!  "Episode One was great" he declared.  And he went on to tell Gord how Gord was keeping the legions of Star Wars fans from his store with such a horrible sign.

"You've seen it three times already haven't you?"


"No girlfriend I take it?"

"No, why?

"My point exactly."


elcome to Earth.  Get The Hell Out!


"Gamer's Edge"

"Yes... I ordered a game from you to be delivered COD, and you told me $35, and when it arrived it was $46.40!"

"Ma'am. The game is $35. PST and GST are $4.90, bringing the total to $39.90. "

"But it came to more than that! And you never told me about tax!"

"Uhm... ok. Anyway, Shipping was $1.50, and the COD charge is $5."

"You told me $35!"

"Ma'am. I sold you a $35 game and you expected the extra charges because you requested it be shipped COD. And everyone pays tax. There were no hidden surprises. "

Sadly this conversation happens far too often…