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"Are you familiar with the phrase 'the jig is up?'"

This is for making me run, damn you!!

Crime and Punishment

For the longest time I used to price crap N64 game cartridges with high prices and leave them on the shelves for people to try and steal.  Madden 64--$50.  Wayne Greztky '98--$45, etc.  Usually it was just one game at a time.

So buddy comes in and steals Automobilee Lamborghini.  Rather than run for it, he walks around before finally leaving.  So once he steps outside I hop over the counter and step outside.

"Hey! YOU!"

And boom!  The one kid bolts.  But to make sure I have the right kid, I grab the one just standing there.  His scream like that of a little girl  pretty much cleared any doubt that the runner had the crap game.

Being nearly a foot taller than the kid running, my strides allowed me to catch up to him in a block.  He tosses the game behind a dumpster and begins screaming "I don't have the…"

<BOOM!>  Football tackle action!

I get pissed when someone makes me run,


I begin to throw the punk around.  Into the side of the garbage bin, into the fence, into the cement wall, into the side a commercial van, back into the cement wall.  And damn hard.  This kid was in pain.

One hand goes up on his neck, and the other goes for his glasses to make sure he doesn't try to run.

At this point he begins screaming like a little girl.  Hindsight, it was because he was pinned against a wall by his neck and his glasses were just removed, so I assume he thought I was going beat his head around.

Instead I tossed him into a choking headlock and drug him back to the store.  He was saying something about how he couldn't breathe, but no one understood a word he was saying.  We even stopped and asked I him to speak up.

Back at the store I lock the front door, head to the counter.  Now the punk is being bent over in some leaned back painful hold. 

I'm going to phone the police now.  I'll let you go as long as you sit down and don't move, alright?


Surprising no one, as soon as I let him go he made a break for the door…  Shame no one told him the door was locked and made of glass that was one step down from bulletproof glass.


Ass over tea kettle.  KO'd in one hit.  So I phoned the police, and after went and picked the kid up and slapped him around to wake him up.  (he was groggy at this point, but fear brought him around pretty quick).

At this point he decided to he was going to kick his way to freedom.  So back to the football thing, and I ran him into the wall as I carried him in front of me.  If you look closely you can still see the imprint in the wall.

That pretty much finished him off. 

Another customer came in after this who knew him. 

"Dave… please… help me….<sob>…"

"Uhm… I don't know you…  Gord, do you have any copies of Tekken 3 in?"

Ya, right at the end there.  And one copy just came back, it's sitting on the counter.  You can just take that one.

"ok.  Take care.  I'll leave the money on the counter."

All while I have this punk pinned to the wall.

The police showed up after that and he was taken away.  During his take away he was screaming something about how I beat him and such, but I didn't remember anything like that.  I seem to have recalled asking him to sit in a chair for trying to steal a game, and that is what he did.  Honest.  No marks on the face...

In the end he plead guilty to shoplifting and was sentenced to 40 hours community service or something.