About the only thing that can be
stolen in the store is a rental game when it's sitting on the
counter. And you have to be pretty brazen about that. But
there are those who try.
This is the story of one who tried.
The Gord had suspected that the young thief of low intellect
had swiped a game off the counter before. So he was curious
and decided to test the individual.
He placed a copy of Sarge's Hero's for the N64 on the counter
with no identifying marks other than the security marker used
to write on it that no one can see. And he placed it on the
counter beside the computer and made sure to turn his back
when the target was at the counter.
And of course when the thief left, the game went with him.
Very brilliant. Steal a game when the Gord knows who you are.
While the Gord waited for buddy to go home so he could phone
him and ask him to return the game as he was fond of doing,
instead something odd happened.
The thief's friend came into the store and asked if
Gord wanted to buy a copy of Sarge's Hero's for cash.
Well, a quick glance and Gord could see it was the stolen
copy, only they had run it through some gravel to make it look
worn and really used.
"Could you grab me your friend, he left something in here"
spoke the Gord.
And the friend departs to grab the thief waiting outside who
then enters. And when he got to the counter, the Gord became
a vengeful Gord, lashing out and grabbing the thief by his
jacket, yanking him up against the counter, pulling him off
his feet so he was held aloft, and the Gord began to yell
"What the hell are you doing stealing games and trying to sell
them back to me? Are you retarded? Do you think I didn't
"Fuck you!" was the response!
<BAM> went the backhand of Gord across the thieves face and he
spoke "How about you shut the hell up and only speak to
directly answer my questions!"
"Fuck you! You can't do this to me!" was the retort.
<BAM> again went the backhand of Gord across the thieves
"Repent Sinner! And shut the hell up!"
"You can't hit me!" again was the retort.
<BAM> again went the backhand of Gord in a strike of justice
and again he spoke "Speak when spoken to!"
Now the thief was quiet and still being held aloft.
And the Gord spoke! "If I EVER see you in here ever again,
I'm going to steal your shoes! Do I make myself clear Mr.
The thief nodded and the Gord was pleased. He placed the
thief on the ground.
"Be gone foul demon of the netherworld! Take the lessons
learned and never return!" declared the Gord.
And the thief departed never to return. The hand of Gord is a
tool to be used upon those would seek to steal from the Gord,
and it shall not be spared on those who need it.