For the longest
time Gord used to price crap N64 game cartridges with high
prices and leave them on the shelves for people to try and
steal. Madden 64--$50. Wayne Gretzky '98--$45, etc. Usually
it was just one game at a time.
So buddy comes in and steals Automobilee Lamborghini. Rather
than run for it, he walks around before finally leaving. So
once he steps outside Gord hops over the counter and step
And boom! The one punk bolts. But to make sure Gord has the
right person, Gord grabs the one just standing there. His scream
like that of a little girl pretty much cleared any doubt that
the runner had the crap game.
With strides being nearly a foot longer than the runner, Gord
was able to catch up in a block. The thief tosses
the game behind a dumpster and begins screaming "I don't have
<BOOM!> Football tackle action!
Gord gets pissed when someone makes him run.
Gord begins to throw the punk around. Into the side of the
garbage bin, into the fence, into the cement wall, into the
side a commercial van, back into the cement wall. And damn
hard. This thief was in pain.
One hand goes up on thief's neck, and the other goes for his
glasses to make sure he doesn't try to run.
At this point the thief begins screaming like a little girl.
He was pinned against a wall by his
neck and his glasses were just removed, so perhaps he assumed Gord was going smack his head around.
Instead Gord tossed him into a choking headlock and dragged him
back to the store. He was saying something about how he
couldn't breathe, but no one understood a word he was saying.
Gord even stopped and asked him to speak up.
Back at the store Gord locked the front door, and headed to the
counter. At this point the punk was being bent over backwards in some
"I'm going to phone the police now. I'll let you go as
long as you sit down and don't move, alright?"
Surprising no one, as soon as Gord let him go he made a break
for the door… Shame no one told him the door was locked and
made of glass that was one step down from bulletproof glass.
Ass over tea kettle. KO'd in one hit. So Gord phoned the
police and afterwards, he went and picked the thief up and gently slapped him
around to wake him up. (he was groggy at this point, but fear
brought him around pretty quick).
At this point he decided to he was going to kick his way to
freedom. So back to the football thing, and Gord ran him into
the wall as he carried the thief in front of him. If you look closely
you can still see the imprint in the wall.
That pretty much finished him off.
After this, a customer came in after this who knew the thief.
"Dave… please… help me….<sob>…"
"Uhm… I don't know you… Gord, do you have any copies of
Tekken 3 in?"
"Ya, right at the end there. And one copy just came back,
it's sitting on the counter. You can just take that one."
"Ok. Take care. I'll leave the money on the counter."
All while Gord has this punk pinned to the wall.
The police showed up after that and he was taken away. During
his take away he was screaming something about how Gord beat
him and such, but no one could remember anything like that.
We seem to have recalled asking him to sit in a chair for
trying to steal a game, and that is what he did. Honest. No
marks on the face...
In the end he plead guilty to shoplifting and was sentenced to
40 hours community service or something.