Act 3 -
The Return of Crazy Lady!
So there Gord was, average day, and a woman rents a
couple games and promises to pay the late fees next
time she rents. Nothing out of the ordinary
She then leaves with her games.
"Gord! That was her!"
"The crazy lady!"
At this point it had been six months since the
incident. Her husband signed up an account 2 weeks
prior and rented a couple games that were late coming
Long story short, the games she had were also late and
in the end I was owed some $80 in late fees. At a $1
a day per game, that takes a while.
Eventually it was forwarded to collections (accounts
that go inactive for six months and owe more than $20
are forwarded to collections).
"What's this about me owing you money!?!"
"Can I ask the same question too since I have no
idea who you are?"
"You told your collection company I owe you $80!"
"Ok. I told the collection company you owe me
"Why did you do that?"
"My theory would be because you owe me $80. How
about I pull up your account and see what the account
So I pull up the account. Oh the memories! The crazy
lady has returned!
"Ma'am, you had a few games that were quite late."
(Gord then listed them all off, including dates
and days extra).
"I've never returned a game late to you."
(Ah the lies)
"I would suggest that statement is a fallacy."
"I'm a huge customer of yours! You should just waive
the late charges."
(ok fine, lie some more)
"Ma'am, you've spent a grand total of $16 in the
store and racked up $83 in late charges. Perhaps if
you paid them off you might be closer to being 'a big
"Well, I'm on welfare and I can't afford to pay it."
(unleash the dogs of war again!)
"Yes Ma'am. I can tell you are on welfare."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"
"I said 'Yes ma'am, I can tell you're on welfare.'"
"I heard you say that!"
"That would be because I said it to you."
"You hear him say that?!? Did you? See! My friend
heard you say that!"
"Ma'am, I will write it down for you, sign it, and
mail it to you if you would like. 'Dear Ma'am, I can
tell you are on welfare. Lots of love, Gord.'"
"You can't say that! That's illegal! That's
"Ma'am, it's what we call the truth. Perhaps if
you were to use some of my money you get every month
to buy a book and read up on the law you'd learn a bit
and expand your mind."
"I'm never paying the money we owe you!"
"That's nice. Technically, it's your husbands
account. So I have no reason to talk to you about
"We're never paying!"
"That's nice. Then we'll go to court and you'll
have to pay the court costs."
"We won't show up!"
"Oh that's fucking brilliant. Your parents must be
so proud. Might I again suggest you read a book?"
"If you want your money you'll have to sue!"
"Are you not keeping up on current events? That's
what were discussing."
"And I'll sue you for desecration of character!"
"Ma'am, that would be defamation of character. And
as you are on welfare, and I can tell you're on
welfare, I am allowed to say 'yes, ma'am, I can tell
you're on welfare.'"
"We heard you say that! We're going to sue!"
"Perhaps we should slow down a bit and let you keep
notes. You're just not keeping up here."
"I'm sorry ma'am, you do not sexually excite me. "
"I'm never renting from you again!"
"That's nice. But you can't anyway until you pay
off your late charges anyway."
"You'll have to sue!"
"Very well, I'll get the paperwork in order for
Anyway she eventually paid some of her late charges to
the collection company on the day court action was to
have started. And that was the last I ever heard of
the Crazy Lady…
Perhaps one day the saga will continue…. We can only