On Gord's last, glorious day at the empire, Gord is doing some
paperwork before he turns over the reins of the empire.
The setting. 10:30pm on Thursday, August 23, 2001. The store closed at
8:00pm. The front door had been left unlocked for those
who sought to pay tribute to the Gord before he began his
exile. Nearly all the lights are off except those around
In enters a lone individual, around 17.
"Are you open?"
"Nope. But I'm still here. What do you come
in search of?"
"I'm looking for a PlayStation controller."
"What colour Dualshock do you want? They are all
"Can I see the white one?"
<Gord hands customer white controller>
"Uhm, do you have any used controllers?"
"Nope. I only ever get used controllers in with
used machines. And as such, I sell the controllers with
the said machines."
"Do you have any controllers for rent."
"I do. One dollar per day."
"Ok, I'll take one of those."
"Do you have an account?"
"You'll need to set on up. Cough up, drivers
license and a credit card or a social insurance card."
<Customer hands Gord drivers license and social insurance
"Hmm, Ryan Wagner" thought Gord. "I know
<Gord checks through the computer database. Hoe-ree-cow!
Ryan Wagner! One of Gord's first ever thieves from back
in the day! Over 3 years earlier! He's come back,
and this time he has ID. Wait, wait, double check
address.... it matches! Sweet..... wait, ask for
the phone number>
"What's your phone number please?"
<area code 250 if you want to know... So,
250-499-2608. Feel free to be an ass. The guilty
and dumb deserve not protection>
"It matches!" thought Gord.
<Gord enters the drivers license number and social
insurance number into the computer. "The bitch is mine"
"So, Ryan, how the hell are ya?"
"Pretty good I guess."
"Well, your day just got a whole lot worse. What's
it like being a complete and total fucking retard?"
"Gran Turismo and Ace Combat 2."
"You stole them in June of 1998. Now before, I
didn't have your SIN number, so I couldn't shoot your credit
to hell. But now, your ass is mine!"
"Uhm, I've never been here before."
"You're right. It was back at the old store."
<Deer in headlight stare. Gord places hands together
and begins to roll fingers, adding in a mad scientist laugh>
"So, going to pay me now? Or should I jump right
to the part where I destroy your credit world?"
"Uhm.... I... uh..."
<Ryan backs toward the door>
"Run bitch run! It's over! You're all mine
now! I am going to personally take this down to the
collection company tomorrow! Welcome to the end of your
<Ryan gets to the door>
"Hope you're not going to university! Because you
can just kiss your student loan app out the window! Run
little man run! Save yourself! And get used to
walking, as you're never going to get that new car you want!"
<Ryan quickly leaves establishment>
And in one last defiant act, the idiots were there to the